Throughout human history, word of mouth has played a crucial role in communication. Recommendations and critiques from various sources, including friends, family, colleagues, and strangers, have always influenced our decision-making. The rise of social media has expanded the reach of our opinions beyond our immediate social circles. It’s evident that most shared information tends to be negative when browsing through review sites or social media platforms. It’s important to acknowledge that we all will encounter criticism at some point in our lives, so learning to accept and handle it is an essential life skill.
Criticism is a natural part of human behavior. People often criticize things they don’t like but are resistant to receiving criticism themselves. However, if we take a step back and consider how we criticize and the value of being criticized, we can become less affected. We may even discover opportunities for personal growth.
According to a recent piece in The Atlantic, “Criticism is defined as judgment of the merits and faults of something or someone in written or spoken form…even when well-intentioned—so-called constructive criticism, which means to provide guidance so we can improve. Worst of all is destructive criticism, which aims to hurt or damage.”
According to the article, a study showed that our brains process criticism by considering the person criticizing us and their motivations rather than focusing on the criticism itself. This response is particularly negative in individuals with low self-esteem, pessimistic attitudes, or high levels of competitiveness.
Another group that has an interesting response to criticism is narcissists, both overt and covert. “Overt narcissists are loud and aggressive; they demand a lot of feedback—with a strong preference for the positive kind because they like to have their egos stroked, and usually disregard criticism when it is negative. Covert narcissists are just as self-involved, but more insecure; instead of dominating the people around them, they tend to be passive-aggressive and vengeful (and thus quite destructive). And as psychologists discovered in 2008, these covert narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism—more than non-narcissists—which leads them to ruminate more than average and experience more negative emotion.”
The article’s author says that giving and accepting criticism can be improved by following a few rules.
It’s not personal (even when it’s personal)
We tend to focus on the critics themselves rather than their actual words. We often take criticism as a personal attack rather than focusing on the criticized issue. Positive affirmations can help us change our reaction and shift our focus from emotional to analytical, allowing us to evaluate feedback as if it were directed at someone else.
You can view it from a different perspective by being more objective in your response to feedback. It represents one person’s viewpoint on your performance, which may or may not be valid. If it is valid, you can use it to enhance your approach. If you need clarification, ask trusted friends or colleagues for honest feedback. It’s often easier to accept feedback from those who have your support.
Make criticism a gift, never a weapon
Criticism is essential for our learning and growth. As a manager, providing constructive criticism is crucial for the development of your team, and failing to do so reflects poorly on your leadership. However, it’s important to avoid giving harmful feedback. According to the article, effective feedback includes five key aspects., “The care of the recipient in mind; respectful delivery; good intentions; a pathway to improvement; and appropriate targeting of the recipient’s needs.”
Praise in public, criticize in private
Supporting people publicly and sharing critiques in a private setting shows respect for them as a person and builds trust. Complimenting someone in front of others is more motivating than sharing it privately. Similarly, offering critiques in private motivates the person more than if you criticized them in public.
It’s important to learn how to accept criticism. Doing so is better for your mental health and helps you avoid responding in a way that could be more embarrassing than the criticism itself. Such responses can stick in people’s minds longer than the critique given in the first place.
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